Jonathan Worthington ::

Programming Poetry

This page contains a collection of random and potentially amusing (and often sickening) bits of programming poetry. Most of it is valid, compilabe code in some programming language. Yes, I know, I should be doing more useful things.

Romantic SQL

SQL is romantic. Really!

INSERT `your hand` INTO `mine` SELECT `restaurant` FROM `nearby` WHERE `you would` LIKE 'to date';

Visual Basic Poetry

Behold the disgusting outcome of my exploration of the possibilities of writing poetry in one of my least favourite programming languages. Since I wrote this I don't think I've ever been asked to write VB code again. :-)

Private Function Last_Night(well, actually, mad, party) I_Said: If You Like "Me" Then Get "Me", Int(rouble), quickly Put YourHand, Int(o), MyHand GoTo Your_Place Your_Place: Close Curtains Dim Lights Open YourSelf For Input As The_Night_Draws_On Join Us, Together And Sin(Passionately) Finally: Day Breaks Split Us, Apart If My_Technique Is Good Then Let Us = Date Note_To_Self: Kill All_Memories Or Mum_Will_Find_Out End Function

UNIX Haiku

Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry and UNIX is an operating system with a powerful command line interface. Well, powerful if you can remember the commands.

UNIX Instructions
Written for you in haiku
The best way to learn!

Sick analogies
Like UNIX, not for children
Offer much wisdom

UNIX is sexist
Type 'man' and help is given
woman is not found

UNIX newbies 'sed'
Text editing is scary
But it's not 'awk'ward

UNIX has some pets
The 'python' is dangerous
But the 'cat' is 'nice'

UNIX is like sex
After it goes down on you
You have to 'fsck' it

UNIX has an 'ex'
After deciding to 'sleep'
With Larry Wall's 'perl'

UNIX can 'finger'
You'll be left wanting some 'more'
It has a 'nice' 'touch'

UNIX will 'su' you
Or rather, its owner will
If you use Linux

UNIX is like sex
Root privleges are needed
To use lower ports

UNIX can 'kill' you
It will 'bash' you with a stick
Then 'clear' off quicky

It is truly 'false'
That UNIX is 'diff'icult
You will 'find' it great

All content Copyright (C) Jonathan Worthington 2003-2005 unless otherwise stated.